The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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