then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
