Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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