My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
