i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
