just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
