i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
