I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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