i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the day after is always just damage control
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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