is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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