I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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