We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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