...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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