we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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