I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
