At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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