I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
