Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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