do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
