She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
