talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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