If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it because I queefed?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
