i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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