kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk is not a location!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize