he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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