I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
