Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
