If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
