i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
