meet me or not, i'm out of control
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
