Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
