my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
