dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
