Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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