My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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