he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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