I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
