Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
