Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize