she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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