4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
