what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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