i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
