Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
