Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
