It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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