Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
