this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just had sex bonerless
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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