he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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