so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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