I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have fence marks all over my body
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