So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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