Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
