He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
