Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
