Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
