When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
