Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
