operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
