smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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