I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
