I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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