They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
