I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
