my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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