I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
