SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
