You're my little dorito
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
