the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i think im in europe. pls send help
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
