Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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