I got chris browned last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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