LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
