you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
