Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize