I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
