Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Boobs speak an international language.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
