i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
