every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
