It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
