I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
