she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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