omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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