dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
