Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
