ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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