This is not my ceiling
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
