he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
