i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
