id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
