im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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