that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
