the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dicks are not precious.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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