My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
