I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
