Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
